Insights Drawn from Aristotle's Perspective on Friendship

 

The profound impact of love songs that revolve around romantic relationships is well known, but what about the love that exists between friends? Friendships, too, can be just as intense and complex, often proving to be a challenge to form and maintain. The fallout from a close friendship can be as heart-wrenching as a breakup with a romantic partner.

Throughout history, humans have always cherished the value of friendship. In fact, the ancient Greek philosopher Aristotle, renowned for his contributions to science, politics, and aesthetics, also delved into the subject of friendship. Surprisingly, his insights still shed light on our modern relationships. It appears that human friendships have been an integral part of our existence for as long as humanity has existed.

From Aristotle's wisdom, we can extract three timeless lessons about friendship that remain applicable today.

Lesson 1: Friendship is Reciprocal and Recognized

Aristotle's definition of friendship reveals its essence: it is a reciprocal bond of recognized goodwill. Unlike the inherent connections of parenthood or siblinghood, friendship only exists when both parties acknowledge and wish each other well. To quote Aristotle directly: "To be friends ... [the parties] must feel goodwill for each other, that is, wish each other’s good, and be aware of each other’s goodwill."

In our contemporary world, this concept remains as true as it did in Aristotle's time. Social media provides an interesting analogy. While you can't be friends with someone on Facebook without their acceptance of your friend request, you can follow someone's profile without their acknowledgment. This highlights the importance of mutual recognition in genuine friendship.

However, modern times have blurred the lines between friendships and parasocial relationships. The personal details shared by content creators on social media can create a false sense of intimacy among their followers. Yet, true friendship requires a reciprocal and recognized bond, not a one-sided connection based on partial information.

Lesson 2: Three Kinds of Friendship

Aristotle proposed three distinct types of friendship: utility-based, pleasure-based, and character-based friendships. Each arises from the value one places on their friend: their usefulness, the joy of their company, or their virtuous character, respectively.

While character-based friendship is considered the highest form, it is rare and limited to just a few intimate friends. Getting to know someone's character deeply and maintaining such a friendship requires significant time investment. As time is a finite resource, most friendships will likely be based on either pleasure or utility.

Some may question whether utility-based relationships can truly be considered friendships since they involve mutual benefit. However, Aristotle clarifies that when both parties understand and acknowledge the utility aspect of their relationship, it is not exploitation but rather a mutually beneficial arrangement.

An excellent example of a contemporary utility friendship is a peer support group. Members may not develop character-based friendships due to differing values, but they can still develop goodwill and support for one another based on their shared experiences.

In essence, Aristotle teaches us that there is a place for each type of friendship, and their success hinges on a shared understanding of their basis.

Lesson 3: Friendship Requires Active Maintenance

Aristotle aptly likens friendship to fitness—a state or disposition that demands regular activity for maintenance. Just as physical fitness requires regular exercise, friendship requires shared experiences and activities to endure. When friends are unable to engage in these friendship activities, the bond can weaken over time.

Though technological advancements, such as communication platforms and online support groups, have made it possible to maintain friendships across great distances, Aristotle's lesson remains pertinent. Research shows that during the COVID-19 pandemic, people who decreased their friendship activities also experienced a decrease in the quality of their friendships.

While the world has undoubtedly evolved since Aristotle's time, his timeless wisdom on friendship remains deeply resonant.

In conclusion, despite the passage of centuries, Aristotle's insights into friendship remain as relevant as ever. His teachings on reciprocal recognition, the different types of friendship, and the need for active maintenance still guide us in navigating the intricate web of human relationships. True friendship, it seems, is an enduring and universal concept that transcends time and technology.